stageright…stageleft


drakkar noir
July 30, 2006, 7:06 pm
Filed under: the world according to me
to all the clueless boys in the world (by way of one specific hunky jock wandering the aisles of target today):

it’s 2007 – put away the drakkar noir.

nobody likes that aroma really. and truth be told, none of us liked it in 1987 when it was popular (we just wore it to be cool).

if your going to wear a synthetic cologne (eww), then at least go for something upscale like:

issey miyake or givenchy to name just two.

personally, i’m not a fan of synthetic aroma – go with essential oils like aveda if you ask me. the fact of the matter is, synthetic aroma’s really smell nothing like the plants and flowers they come from –

as an example…. lets say i’m calvin klien and i’m making a new cologne with rose oil as it’s primary base…. i’m gonna take the cheapest form of rose oil known to man (the oil from a rose petal can be extracted (a process called steam distillation) 15 times. the most expensive/potent/pure form of rose oil comes from the 1st extraction. all the following extractions are a little more diluted, or less “pure”), or the 15th extraction. i’m then gonna take 1-3 drops of this diluted form of the oil and have a computer “replicate” the diluted aroma by synthesizing it using petrochemical bases. then i’m going to add another synthetic “binder” which makes the aroma “stick” to the body for a long time (in some cases, the binders are so strong – umm drakkar anyone – that they can actually stay potent on clothing after it’s been washed). that’s the real reason people are sensitive to perfumes & colognes – it’s not the aroma itself, it’s the synthetic “binder” that overwhelms the entire fragrance in the first place.

so concludes your “aroma 101” class. there will be a test.

i just don’t see the point. if your trying to smell better, why wouldn’t you want to smell as much like a natural aroma as possible?

oh and to all the “natural-boys” in the audience. i love the smell of a man as much as the next guy, but there’s a very fine line between smelling natural and masculine and smelling rank and raunchy. there is nothing wrong with wearing an aroma that compliments your natural body chemistry.

just. not. drakkar. ever.
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hazardous waste (aka the chevy mailbu)
July 30, 2006, 1:17 pm
Filed under: Uncategorized
i’m a little less hazardous to the earth right now.

as you may remember, i dispise general moters. and it stressed me out to no end to drive a chevy malibu (what a fuckin’ ugly car – long story why i got it, but suffice to say, i never liked it). i really wanted to get a car that was less taxing on the environment. got better gas mileage & lets face it, looked a helluva lot smarter.

dear readers may i introduce to you to my mazda 3 – now forever known as 3:


now, i realize it’s not a hybrid, but hybrids aren’t really right for me in my situation (amount of highway miles vs. city miles being the big reason) – but there are a couple of things my new 2005 mazda 3 has that certainly make it better than the ‘bu:

  • better fuel mileage – i should be able to hit 35 mpg on the freeway (a damn sight better than the malibu ever made).
  • it’s a manual
  • it’s used. for me it’s not just about putting another car on the road, i’d rather find a car that needs a good home, than breed a new one onto the freeway – hey, it’s just like getting yer next dog or cat at the shelter rather than pet store.

i’ve also signed up with terra pass (go ahead and get yours, you know you wanna. all the cool kids are doing it).

terra pass neutralizes (or more accurately offsets) your car’s environmental impact by supporting projects that reduce greenhouse gasses. here’s how (using 3 as an example):

  • 3 emits approx. 9,312 lbs of carbon dioxide (co2) in one year (more than 3x it’s own physical weight)
  • i pay terra pass a yearly fee ($49.95/depends on make/model & how much you drive)
  • terra pass subsidizes projects that reduce greenhouse gas such as:
    -an entrepreneurial wind farmer receives funds to expand his plant.
    – small dairy farmer gets capital to install digesters on his farm to control methane emissions.
  • my terra pass is certified to eliminate the equivalent of 3‘s carbon dioxide emissions

(fyi, the malibu emitted approx. 11,973 lbs of co2 – malibu huh…? sounds aptly named considering the amount of smog out there in malibu)

for giggles, i put some friends car into the co2 calculator (check yours here) to see what they look like (names have been changed, but models remain – no disses intended, i love all my friends and their driving choices):

rae / subaru outback: 10,428 lbs of CO2 per year

bc / mini convertible: 8,236 lbs of CO2 per year

camelback / dodge magnum: 11,445 lbs of CO2 per year

dorothy parker / nothing: 0, she’s a public transportation diva

barnes / land rover: 14,223 lbs of CO2 per year

so there you have it. i have a kick ass new car that i love love love and i’m doing something good for the planet (for only $49.95). sure the blue is a little oftputting (it’s growing on me – i’ve never had such a bright car), but it’s fun as fuck to drive and the dash looks like something out of star trek.

i be a happy boy.




prince divorce #2, a conversation
July 30, 2006, 11:35 am
Filed under: Uncategorized
well, not much has been said here regarding my love of the music of prince – prince’s music is something you either love, or don’t, something you get, or something you don’t. i try not to foist it on anyone (except for cb) – but had to share this conversation from the other night with my friend greg (feel free to email him and tell him to update his damn blog!)

greg: so i have a question for you –
me: ok
greg: let say you were a life long prince fan…
me: ok
greg: and you became the president of his fan club…
me: ok
greg: and then became employed at paisley park enterprises as his assistant…
me: ok
greg: and then you start to fuck/date him and eventually marry him…
me: ok
greg: and then you get divorced. are you still a prince fan?
me: actually, i think the day after i announce the divorce i take my entire prince collection down to used record store and sell it to make some cash.

ahhh, prince, another divorce (number 2 for those keeping track).

nobody could fault you for the first one failing (loosing a child as to be devastating to a relationship)… but what did you do to piss off this one? did you fuck tamar? (seriously man, your protogee’s get less and less interesting every year).

i’m actually ok with prince being single again – i think prince writes better music when he’s single and tortured. not to mention when he’s dating lots of women all at the same time.

musicology & 3121 were the first little baby steps towards redemption after you forced that piece of shit the rainbow children on all of us.

lets see where you end up next.



the mundanity of my life
July 28, 2006, 9:11 pm
Filed under: Uncategorized

so little is actually happening in my life right now it’s pathetic on a certain level and reassuringly “the same” on another. a lot has changed for me in the past few years, i’ve gotten the job of my dreams which never ceases to amaze/confound/challenge/inspire me. i moved onto a more rewarding and fulfilling role on the red ribbon ride. i’ve actively begun pursuing my buddhist path. i’ve closed the door on a number of unhealthy relationships (resulting in a lack of close friends in minneapolis – do you have any idea how hard it is make new friends at 36?).

but on the other hand, i’m still a terrible home-body (shy isn’t the right word, but it’s close). have the sex life of a monk. still single. etc. etc. etc.

i really shouldn’t complain – my life is pretty good on a number of levels and i moreorless have my health (finally).

of course the fear with the perfect job is that it allows me to hide behind it a bit. i have two busy seasons – spring (january – may) and fall (august – november). this proves to be a tempting excuse to just disappear for a bit.

for example – starting next week this is my work schedule for the next few months:

aug 4 – 6 / denver for a hair show
aug 21 – 24 / los angeles for a regional sales meeting i’m producing
aug 24 – 28 / home, but producing the 2nd largest hair show our company does (insanity abounds)
sept 8 – 10 / dallas, for a hair show
sept 10 – 12 / atlanta, another regional sales meeting
sept 13 – 15 / back to dallas for another regional sales meeting
sept 18 – 19 / home, but managing a regional sales meeting remotely
sept 21 – 22 / home, but managing another regional sales meeting remotely
sept 23 – 25 / cleveland, for a hair show
sept 25 – 27 / cincinnatti, for another regional sales meeting
oct 3 – 5 / chicago for the last regional sales meeting
oct 6 – 7 / chicago for a bit of a rest with ray & jeremy

oct 20 – 23 / home, producing our global sales meeting

nov 3 – 6 / home, producing a “summit” with the owners of our schools in north america

nov 11 – 12 / san fran, possibly participating in the largest consumer green festival in the world

damn, i’m tired just typing it out like that. no wonder i’m single. but can’t i still just get laid occasionally? lol

—-other random thoughts jumping around my head:

big props to landry for sending me a link to camera obscura’s brilliant song ‘lloyd, i’m ready to be heartbroken‘ writtten about one my idols lloyd cole. a brilliant song, thanks for sending it (you too can check it out by going to itunes and searching for it)

along the music tip (and to further my obsession with robbie), mr williams has a new song and a new album coming out late fall – you can hear the tune here: rudebox74 i quite like it – it’s poppy and technoy and rappy all at once.

i’m really excited about a new clothing line at target – it’s designed by a brit named keanan duffty. keanan is a punk ruck designer that my company has worked with for a few years designing t-shirts for our shows. i’ve met him a bunch of times and he’s a really nice/cool guy. i’m thrilled he’s in target. check him out if you like the punk rock aesthetic.

i was bored earlier and was fuckin’ around with my digital camera and popped a few pics of yours truly. i wasn’t gonna post ’em (namely cause i hate pictures of myself), but then i thought what the fuck. so here you go:

this is parker. you haven’t met her yet. she pretty much rocks my world. and besides, what’s a gay man without a pet?



if i were god via pissy rabbits
July 28, 2006, 3:47 pm
Filed under: Uncategorized
new favorite line ever: “if i were god i would have killed everyone already” – landry

check out the context over at pissy rabbits. it’s a brilliant dissertation on religious pampletry (yes, that’s a word in the sl…sr dictionary).

while on the subject of religious pampletry i must share a story.

back in 1988 (yes, that makes me old in gay years) while i was a freshmen at bsu, the school allowed the religious organizations to set up booths in the common area on the way into dining hall in an effort to recruit new members.

the dining hall was actually on the 2nd floor of walnut hall, and as such, there is one central stairway to access the dining floor. the groups would set up tables with their literature and try to get new members as we were forced to walk the plank between all of the lutherans, catholics, babtists, etc (curious, there where never any buddhist or muslim groups – not that i remember anyway. i would have been very keen to check out the buddhists.).

beginning with breakfast on monday and continuing all the way thru dinner on friday, one particularity aggressive catholic organization was quite adamant that i take a mini-bible (the concept of which still cracks me up… mini-bible? the normal sized one is huge, what did they edit out to make it pocket sized?) to save my soul. as if a mini-bible could save anyone’s soul.

being a fairly respectable guy (cb, stop laughing), i politely said no and continued on to the grub (wally’s had fuckin’ kick-ass grub for a caf).

this continued at every meal for the whole week.

by lunch on friday, i was completely over it – i mean seriously – there were not that many people on campus that this group (and the very adamant closeted young future fag who tended to corner me to get me to take his mini-bible [hehe, i bet he wanted me to take his mini-bible]), couldn’t remember that i said thank’s no thanks the previous 13 times they/he asked.

so, when the future fag approached me again imploring me to take his literature, i responded very calmly with something to the effect of: “no thank you, i’m not a christian – i worship at the church of our father satan, would you care for some of my literature?”

suffice to say, the expression on his face was akin to my taking a dump on the dining room table infront of grand-mum during thanksgiving dinner. he was horrified.

my friends of course were falling over themselves laughing while trying to maintain their composure.

sure, it was probably a bit extreme, but really – how many times can you say “thanks, no thanks” without getting annoyed as fuck that they just don’t get it.

needless to say, for the duration of my stay at that school (another year and a half), that particular group gave me a wide berth – however, covert (or so they thought) glances and whispering always happened as i walked by (especially during the recruitment week).

of course, i’m not a satanist – not even slightly, i just can’t abide being preached to in an effort to save my soul. thank you very much, i’ll take care of my soul just fine without any help from the pope and his church.

so yes landry, if i were god, at this point in the game – i’d wipe the slate clean and leave the earth to the mother nature and the cockroaches. chances are the earth would be a whole lot happier without humans fucking it all up.

music heard:

no more love songs / lloyd cole
get that love / thompson twins
inside of me / madonna
i did it just the same / eurythmics
i want your love / transvision vamp
juke joint jezabel / k.m.f.d.m.
love…thy will be done / martika

play that funky music white boy / wild cherry
look at me / geri halliwell


what can brown do for me?
July 27, 2006, 4:32 pm
Filed under: Uncategorized

well it’s happened – another fantasy ruined.

so, i’m sure it’s the uniform thing, but i gotta say, a ups driver – usually stops me in my tracks. even those that are a lil’ average can be hot as fuck. especially when they’re wearing shorts. what is it about those brown uniforms – woof.

i’m lucky enough to have a ups facility smack dab between my house and my office and if i time it just right, i end up on 35-w right as all the trucks are leaving for their routes, so i get to see a lot of the ups drivers. nothin’ like checkin’ out them shorts/legs in their open door van’s as i drive by. woof woof.

well today, that fantasy was ruined (just a lil’). today as i was driving home from an appointment, i stopped at a light right next to a ups truck. imagine my excitement (hey, we take what we get when we get it, right?). so i looked to my left into the cab of the ups truck (i’m such a voyeur) and what do you think greeted me? a (easily) 350 lb’s, poorly groomed driver with some sort of skin disease on his legs. eating corn chips out of the big bag (not just a lil’ bag like you’d get with lunch).

😦

ok, seriously, the new question is “what can brown not do for you” ugg. it was bad.

i need a new fantasy in my head, cause the ups driver one is ruined.



thursday morning semi nudity
July 27, 2006, 5:11 am
Filed under: Uncategorized
as promised… robbie williams:


ummm, robbie – whatcha doin’ with yer hand in yer pants? my hand would look/feel much better, trust me. 🙂

the boy does love to play with himself doesn’t he?


some great photoshop from the sing while your winning disk – yum, naked wet robbie.



ooh thug robbie… he looks so bad ass doesn’t he? it’s a shame he’s not…. we all know he’s really a pussy cat in tattooed wolves clothing. don’t you think the hint of nudity is more interesting than seeing the full johnson sometimes?

you can however, see the full johnson if you do a search of it (and it looks quite nice)…. i thought about posting a pic here just for six shooter but i’m sure he’s already seen all there is to see .

so there you go, just a bit of thursday morning diversion for you… woof. i know not all of you share my interest with robbie (scott..), but what can i say, i love his music and i think he’s dead sexy. and witty. and rich…. all qualities i love in a man 🙂

oh, one last pic – this time of guy. guy is flippen hot as hell in this pic, madonna is one lucky bitch.